Performances mit der Gruppe Pszychisz Teror / Der kleine Hirnfick
(1991-1993)

The multimedia show with its painful soundscape, accusing images and cynical lyrics was a production (concert program) by the band Psychisz Teror. I joined later as a Butoh dancer and reacted to what was presented artistically in my own abstract way. The drastic depiction of the world and the extreme expressive style and aesthetics of the band were alien to me, but they offered psychological mirroring and connecting surfaces for a collaboration. I contributed directly to the band in my own way, as did Patrizia, who, among other things, concretized the body painting with paint. This multi-year collaboration proved to be a low-threshold experimental platform, while my academic top-heaviness and artistic unprofessionalism in the dance scene at the time and in the professional Butoh scene caused me to come up against closed doors at various auditions and selection processes. The fierce music, which was critical of all kinds of social illusions, was a challenge in terms of my emotional and expressive spectrum and, in addition to the controlled Butoh approach, I tested myself in emotionally expressive and extatic states and wild movements during the performance, mixing elements of Butoh with extatic, repetitive movements based on my practice in Afro dance. Partly I dived into my darker side in the performances illustrating the Butoh dance, partly I went into contrast with the band and struck a wavelength that corresponded to my search for extended world references. I preferred not to be of this world. My dancing perhaps contributed to the overall show an unclassifiable, alternating dark and light energy and positive steadfastness. I also experimented time and again with shells, cloths, in the style of "images" or social and psychological shells and cocoons, although I did not reflect on this interpretation at the time and did not elaborate on it in a particularly differentiated way. The cloth also effectively served as a moment of retreat and protection from the audience. The nudity corresponded to my striving for an idealized image of humanity, freed from questionable imprints; in Butoh dance I was looking for a different, transparent view of the world, which was linked to the idea or practical experience of intense, pure existence. I disregarded the cultural attributions of female nudity and my narcissism without reflection. The clay was a reference to the white, ritualizing and abstracting body painting in Butoh, but seemed more earthy, raw and natural to me. It was also easier to wash off in the cold, filthy sinks of the houses than theater paint. I didn't like Patrizia Haldi's fleshy, morbid coat of paint, but I allowed her to help shape my appearance and the overall work in the sense of a collaboration.